You amaze me.

Do you know that?

You're constantly saying how little you care and how much you hate people, but it's so obvious that that isn't true. Not completely. It'can't be, the way you act and the things you say.

Sometimes you just say things that show such thought directed at making others' lives easier and less miserable. You go out of your way to help people when even I probably wouldn't. You think ahead to save others trouble.

And the way you look at me sometimes...

I've heard it's impossible to create a face in a dream. Is it also impossible, then, to imagine an emotion on a person's face in real life?

Every so often I look at you and catch your glance, and I almost think there's a look of absolute knowing in your eyes. In my imagination, you understand, and, for some reason, you care deeply. That's what I see in your possibly-imagined expression.

If it is real, is it meant for me? That's what I'd like to know. Or does it belong to the person you looked at directly before or following me?

On Virtual Relationships

So way back in January (the 10th, to be exact) I went to this thing called the Tour de Nerdfighting 2012, which was basically a huge gathering for nerds who particularly like two YouTubers known as Hank and John Green, or the Vlogbrothers. John was releasing a novel that same day, and Boston (Wellesley) was the first stop on the tour. After John read from his new novel, Hank played some songs, and they both answered real questions from real Nerdfighters, there was a massive line to meet the two of them. I waited in this massive line until  probably some time approaching midnight. Meeting John was fantastic. He's my favourite author, so to be able to say that I met him and held a conversation (however short) with him, will always be a memory I cherish. But for some reason, meeting Hank was different. When the line inched down to Hank's part of the table, we looked each other in the eye and said hello to one another. And as I said hello, something felt strange - off. And then I realised I was expecting him to recognise me. I was waiting for the metaphorical "click" of recognition as I see on the faces I know so often. When this didn't happen, I felt lost in the encounter, and then obviously silly. Why should this thirty-something, famous vlogger recognise a viewer he has never met before? There's no way he can see his audience when he makes videos - I don't even have a webcam, for god's sake. But I had become so familiar with his face, and his voice. I watched his videos so often, and he has such a good way of connecting to the audience. These are all reasons this might happen, sure. But why should it only happen with Hank? John is just as good at connecting with audiences, and having read four novels written by him, one would think I would experience this more with John than with Hank. I can't explain it. Your guess is as good as mine. 

However, I do find it incredibly interesting that it happened at all. And I enjoy the fact that I can form a relationship with a person I had never met, who had never met me. And although my Hank Green story is far odder, in my opinion, I find the relationships viewers and readers have with television and books interesting as well.

Why is it, for instance, that we can latch onto fictional characters? Why do we feel we've grown up with Harry Potter? What makes us cry when the Doctor regenerates?

Personally, I'm not really an emotional person in the real world. It takes a heck of a lot to make me cry in everyday situations. But I'll be quick to admit, and without shame, that I cry fairly easily at books and movies or television programmes. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (the very same novel that came out on January 10th) nearly had me bawling my eyes out in Symphonic Band one day (did I mention I pretty much never cry in public?). I fought it, but only just. Somehow, a character in a novel that I hadn't even yet possessed for 24 hours connected and resonated with me so deeply that I was on the verge of a miniature breakdown.

And besides being slightly embarrassing, I just think that's amazing.

Well. It looks like I have a blogspot.

That is all.

So New Doctor Who tonight

I have to say, I'm excited, even though I'm a bit skeptical as to how this episode will turn out. I mean, dinosaurs on a spaceship? The graphics can't be that good, but I'm going to keep telling myself that this is a kitchy sci-fi show and I love it no matter what, even when I hate it. Because I'm a Whovian and that's just what I do.

However, last week's Asylum of the Daleks was extremely good. I really thought it was a throwback to Nine's and Ten's seasons. I was very happy about that. Moffat didn't really throw us into a huge plot of mindfuckery. It was just mild mindfuckery and in a very psychological way, rather than situational. 

I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but it makes sense to me, and who else is going to be reading this anyway, right?

So yeah. LOVED Oswin. When Jenna Louise Coleman is playing Clara, she better be just like Oswin. 

And yes, I have a theory as to the whole Oswin/Clara thing, but I don't feel like writing it out at the moment.